I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
