they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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