Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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