Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
