I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Damn victory sex feels great
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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