I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
