Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
In other news, I just burned my penis
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
