I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
