my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
