my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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