Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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