I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
