we have officially lost it.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
