You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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