maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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