We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
