Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
