Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
well you can't waste a boner
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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