Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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