She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
