i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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