i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
