Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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