You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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