I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
