Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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