Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
