so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
