i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
