wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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