if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
