Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
