dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
