youre lurking in front of me
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
