dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
