i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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