Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
