Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
