I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
