she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
