So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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