Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
