awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
