i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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