I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
