she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
