If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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