I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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