If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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