you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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