It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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