Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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