i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
