Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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